An Inconvenient Truth: Perfect Is The Enemy Of Love
Doesn’t matter if it’s love of yourself, love of your family, love of your work, love of your religion, love of your country or, indeed, love of ANYTHING; if perfection is in the picture, then love isn’t.
See, when you boil it all down, filter through all the ‘soft and sappy stuff’ that most people THINK love is and dig down to the core of what love REALLY is at the deep-down neuroscientific level, it’s 3 things.
ACCEPTANCE is the acknowledgement that who you are, what you believe and what you do are both your choice and your right and that this applies to others too.
CONNECTION is the feeling of synergy, safety and similarity we feel for others and ourselves. The belief that the our values, purpose, passions and perspectives about life are aligned and the desire to share the experience of that alignment for a time.
CARE is the active and OBSERVED demonstration that the safety, comfort, feelings and experiences of the one you claim to care about are important.
Acceptance, connection and care IS love.
In fact, the MORE you feel accepted, the MORE you feel connected, the MORE you feel cared for, the more loved you feel.
THAT is why it would serve you IMMENSELY to be ever-vigilant for signs of perfection.
Because where love accepts…
…perfection judges, rejects and points out everywhere that something is ‘wrong’.
Where love connects…
…perfection separates, segregates and isolates by saying that your thoughts, words, feelings and contributions ‘don’t belong here’.
And where love cares…
…perfection demonstrates indifference, unfairness and unkindness.
No matter how you dress up the INTENT around perfection (“I just want it to be perfect because…”) the result is the same; judgement, rejection, separation, isolation, unfairness and unkindness.
This is a REALLY inconvenient truth in a world that always seems to be goading us to strive for perfection in how we look, how we dress, how we talk, where we live, what car we drive and what grades our kids get at school, but it’s a truth nonetheless.
It’s our very striving for perfection (in the hope that when we’re perfect people will love us) that keeps us from ever feeling truly loved.
And, of course, the great (and kinda sad and perverse) irony is that if we stopped seeking perfection and instead started living lives of acceptance, connection and care, things would seem pretty much…
Truth, joy and love
P.S – we each feel loved to the degree that we’re accepted, connected and cared for.
That includes how we accept, connect and care for ourselves.
In fact, especially that.
Worth considering next time you’re feeling unloved xxx